- Withdrawal from people, work, pleasures, and activities
- Spurts of restlessness
- Sighing, crying, and moaning
- Difficulty getting out of bed
- Low energy levels
- Lack of motivation
- Sadness
- Overwhelmed by everyday tasks
- Apathy
- Anxiety, tension, irritability
- Helplessness
- Low confidence and poor self-esteem
- Disappointment
- Feelings of unattractiveness or ugliness
- Loss of enjoyment
- Inability to make decisions
- Lack of concentration
- Loss of interest in activities, people, and life
- Self-criticism, self-blame, and self-loathing
- Pessimism
- Preoccupation with problems and failures
- Insomnia
- Increased/decreased appetite
I go through every single one of those feelings every single goddamn day. I can’t go one day without crying and I could never describe that to anyone. I can’t explain why I feel/act the way that I do. I don’t know how to tell someone that I’m not happy. I hate meeting new people… they’re getting this side of me and I never was this person. I constantly feel like I get everyone’s hopes up and let them down in the end because I’m not what they expected. I don’t make for a fun time anymore. No one laughs or says much of anything when they’re around me, mainly because I’m not even there. I’m somewhere else in my mind, trying to figure out how to be the person I was two years ago. I can’t make friends or keep a relationship anymore because of myself, because I can’t put on that welcoming face or keep a conversation. I can’t care about someone more I care about myself. I feel like I only get myself into relationship for the company, but I NEVER get the consistency that I need. I get so tired of trying to hard and getting nowhere.
I’ve broken all of my friendships, even my relationships with my family. I cry behind everyone’s back and they would never know. I cry behind the phone, behind the computer, in front of mirror… and it never fucking does any good. I can never wake up knowing that it’s going to be a wonderful day because somehow, some way, I ruin it for myself. I’m filled with doubt and worry about things that don’t even matter. I just need someone that’ll be there. I guess I just need help. I swear to God if I went to a doctor and told him all those things, he’d diagnose me with depression, or at least something so I’ll know I’m not crazy, and we’d both get on with our lives… but I’m too big of a pussy to do anything about it.
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